Feeling totally down!

Facebook stalking old friends was a total mistake! They all have moved on with their lives, alot of them have a special someone, some are already married, and some have children, they already have their dream jobs. I have not moved on at all, I feel like I am stuck, like I can´t walk foward. What is wrong with me? Am I the only person who feels this way? is anybody out there who feels stuck and miserable?

Is it normal?  is it part of my Social Phobia? ugh this sucks.

I just want to be a normal human being for once!!!

In the mean time I will drink some chocolate, and re-read ´´The Pact´´ by Jodi Picoult

Anxious

I have an important meeting today, and of course I am super anxious! fast heart  palpitations, foggy mind, dizziness, extreme negative thoughts like what if they stand me up, what if I make a fool of myself, what if the meeting is a disaster, what if I don't learn anything from it... and it goes on and on. Other people who have Social Phobia are familiar  with all these feeling, but for people without it, they just don't understand it, they just tell me not to worry, or that I am over exaggerating. The thing is I don't know how not to worry, I don't know how to relax! In my personal life I don't know anybody with Social Phobia, so I really feel alone in this. Sometimes I Can't distinguish from my irrational fears and my reality because to me, my fears are so real, so tangible even if they sound crazy to other people.

This sucks! I just want to be over this shitty Social Phobia. :/

Good luck to myself in today's meeting!   

After I threw myself a massive pity party and went through a panic meltdown for being dumped in a very cold way. I am realizing that maybe it was for the best, that maybe I will be okay, and this is not the end of the world. Still hurts, and the feelings are still there, but you can't forced someone to love you or change yourself completely to satisfied the other person. When you love someone you should love them and accept them how they are, not who you think they should be.

The movie "Ruby Sparks" really spoke to me because sometimes we get in relationships where we really don't see the person for who they really are, but who we want them to be.

Flowers in The Attic

I am really looking forward for the remake of FITA, the movie in the 80s was total crap. I love love the books! they are so trashy, yet so interesting and entertaining. I hope they stay close to the book, and  keep the relationship between Chris and Cathy as complicated as the book. No sugar coating it or ignoring it  completely as the 80s did.

This is a cool fan made video

So I have to make an important phone call today, and I am really dreading it. I have no idea what they will say, if they will bring good news or bad news. I´m scared if they say something I don´t want to hear, or what if I say something totally idiotic :(


My brain is screaming ´´abort mission abort mission´´ but I really need to call.

Must call!

Must call!

Must call!

 

New Chapter in Life

After my boyfriend dumped me, and I had to move back to my parents’house, life is not looking very bright right now. I feel very depressed and afraid of what lies ahead. I tried to tell myself that things are going to get better, especially when I get a job, but things are tougher when you suffer from Social Phobia, always thinking what can go wrong. The ´´what ifs´´ become a tortured. Going to job interviews is a nightmare, and the whole starting over is terrifying. Being afraid all the time is very tiring, Social Anxiety is a bitch!